When The Sun Rises

It is 5:01 when the world stopped spinning.

The dark fills every hollow engulfing me with it. It is cold but I do not shiver. I hear the life in everything around me, It is a sweet song on a never ending record. I feel its rhythm dancing above me, and I long to dance with it, to let the breath of the world carry me away. My heart weightless, my feet free. I wish to meet the moon and dance with the stars. The world becomes quiet again and my breath is the only sound I hear, so I hold it. It is my attempt to stop time, to be quiet , to disappear. It is dark here but I am not afraid, because in the dark I am safe, In the dark my eyes are hidden.

The man on the moon once broke the dark and put song into the world, but leaves me alone tonight.

I climb onto the roof to see the world. The cold, damp shingles under my feet; The smell of morning fills the air. I stand there looking at the earth below. I close my eyes; heavy, tired. I’m not afraid of the fall. I imagination the sensation, my feet lifting off, off of the roof and into the sky. The feeling of being weightless. Light blankets my eyelids, and it is beautiful. My eyes flicker open to see the sun. It is warm and inviting. It peaks through the tree line, eating away the dark. It folds around me and it makes me beautiful. It is a masquerade in the sky with colors I have never even seen before. All different shades of pinks and blues. It wraps itself around me, It gives me wings to fly, but not to meet the moon or to dance with the stars, but to sing with the angles. It takes away the darkness… MY darkness. Puts life into the world again, and I am no longer afraid because it is beautiful and it is real, and it is mine.

My happily ever after

Per·fect

Perfect a 7 letter word with two syllables.

A word I often find myself trying to live by. A word our society is based on. The way we will use a paint brush trying to erase every flaw every impurity. How we need our pearly teeth to be perfectly in line. How our smile will never be crooked and never show pain. And how the clothes on your back are no different from your neighbors because if you wore what you wanted to this morning you would be a

Freak.

How the song you will sing will hit every note, and when you dance only the perfect colors will fly, your feet will leap and jump perfectly and in harmony.

and you will be absolutely

perfect.

~~you have to be.~~

But some days when the weight of the world becomes to heavy to bare, and each letter of perfect weighs a hundred pounds on my shoulders, I become to weak to hide my crooked smile. I will lock myself in my room and just be un-perfect. I will sing every note off key, each leap each jump off beat.

all my colors flying.

I will flaunt each flaw each impurity. And I will be a freak, and I will be happy. Because when your a freak your not a zombie.

A perfect mindless zombie.

All The Bright Places ~ Book Review

All the bright places by Jennifer Niven is a heart breaking story about mental illness and its powerful effects it has on not only the person suffering from it but as well as the people around them. Finch and Violet meet at the top of the bell tower at school. They both consider jumping off, but save one another instead. Violet is a survivor, she counts down the days where she can finally get out, and leave her past behind. while Finch is wishing he was not so lucky, counting down the days till it ends. For Finch, suicidal thoughts are a dime a dozen. He thinks about killing himself during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He even writes fun facts about other people’s suicides in his journal. But for Violet she lives for the future, counting down the days till she graduates, waiting to escape her small town as well as the grief of her sister. The sister that should have be alive instead of her.

“we don”t remember the days we remember the moments.” ~ Theodore Finch