Never Jump.

“And reality hits; I stand up,

Looking down, down

On the pavement, down at him, he is still as he looks at the stars, but he

Never gets up. His

Eyes sad as a drop of life falls out, And I become alone,

alone again.”:

Your supposed to follow the rules. Your supposed to




When you hear the sound of a gun,

your supposed to keep your bloody mouth shut when something as small as a pebble can send a welcoming hello to the devil. When your life becomes no longer yours. You do not get a say when there is a bullet in your brain. But Adam never got the rules, or maybe he did, but the way of the world didn’t apply to him.

“Can you start from the beginning Miss Strange?”

“Okay… the beginning”

March 7th (I think):

It is cold and wet but that’s what you get for living in Seattle, right? Adam.. my best friend, my neighbor.. The love of my life. He grew up right next door in a small apartment off Alasken way. He was absolutely perfect. He was strong and chiseled like a statue from Rome. He was kind and loving. He always knew what to say even when there where no words left. His voice; sweet like honey, yet still rough like stone. The way he saw the world was beautiful, and when I was with him so was I. He would count my freckles and love each one. Each freckle another impurity made to be loved. Every scar just another part of me, and I believed him. He took interest in what I liked. He encouraged me to do what I love. To not let the weight of the world hold me back, but when it does; when it becomes to heavy for me to hold alone, when the fighting becomes to loud, the hits to hard, the scars to deep. He would take it from me, he would set me free and put the world on pause. Laying underneath the stop light, the world quiet. We would watch the stares dance across the sky, the moon providing the music. We would dance all night, hand in hand. He would spin me and time would re-wind, to a time I was ok. To a time the crash never happened. To a time where Sophie was still alive. To a time where everything wasn’t always my fault, and the hits didn’t hurt and the tears didn’t burn and my heart wasn’t broken. He would spin me faster and faster till I was ok, till the stop light bleed red, and for the first time I would be in the same rhythm, the same speed withe the rest of the world. But this time he didn’t spin me to dry my tears or to see me smile. He didn’t wrap himself around me to keep me from breaking or to protect me from the world, but to protect me from the bullet, to protect me from shattering.

Your supposed to hide, duck, run. Those are the rules. Your supposed to follow the rules. Every man for himself. That is what you learn from the time you are born. Hide, duck, run. That is what you are supposed to do, not jump. Never jump because the guns are not filled with roses but thorns, and this is not a movie, there is no happy ending. Not for people like us, not for people like me and a lot more will bleed red than the stop light on main street.

The sound of the gun sends me flying. The sky shattering and the moon retreating. We lay on the pavement looking up towards the empty sky. Kids again, we giggle at something that once was so funny. I turn to him,his eyes so full of life and love. His smile radiating. “I love you” I say. I love you. I start to cry now, my tears streaming as the stop light bleeds red again. His eyes now older, sadder. This isn’t right. And reality hits. I stand up, looking down. Down on the pavement, down on him. He is still as he looks at the stars. He never got up, his eyes sad as a drop of life falls out. “I love you,” he whispers and I become alone. Alone again. The world falls apart. I fall apart. Should have been me. Hide, duck, run. Should have been me.

I pause and look up, realizing I’m still talking, realizing I’m not alone. I am in an all white room. I make eye contact with the officer sitting across from me. He is young, maybe late 30’s. He looks tired, sad. I wonder if he can feel how I feel or somehow hear me screaming. My eyes burn. The officer straightens up. “Do you know who killed him…” he stops “Killed Adam.. Miss Violet Strange?” I look down, I don’t want to speak. I don’t want to be here. I don’t even want to be alive. Because that makes this real, and that makes Adam dead. I look up at him and we make eye contact again. I don’t know what happened but I say what is real. What I know to be true. “Turns out… the world became to heavy, to fast to much…even for him.” I take a long pause. “and … he wasn’t the only thing that bleed red on main street.”

Hide, Duck, Run



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